How do you deal with the loss of a loved one? There are times when I just sit and stare blankly at the view outside, imagining that he is still with us. In my mind, I can even see him making a cup of coffee for my mom, or preparing to drive for me --- scenarios that have been so true for many years. But then, there are days when I just go on with my daily grind, conscious of the fact that he's no longer here and will never return.
Really, I am at a loss for words now. No one can replace dad. Through all the good and bad times, he is my dad. Nothing can change that fact.
In the spirit of honoring the dead, let me publish here the eulogy I gave in one of my dad's funeral services.
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A EULOGY FOR PAPA
15 November 2004
When my father died last Friday, one of the first persons I texted about what happened was my former discussion leader at Bible Study Fellowship. I relayed to her the news that my father’s 9-month battle with cancer finally ended that midnight. Her reply from the Bible in Psalm 116:15 was perhaps one of the most comforting words I’ve read, and I quote, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” Indeed, it is a great comfort to know that we have a God who loves us more than anybody else can ever do. He feels what we’re feeling. He understands what we’re going through. And so, when that heart monitor registered a zero heartbeat on the screen, I said a little prayer, thanking God that though we are bidding a father goodbye, He is welcoming a son back home. We left St. Luke’s Medical Center without someone who has been with all of us for 57 years, but right now I’m sure my father is in the eternal presence of God, perhaps even worshipping his Maker with his favorite song “Above All”. I watched him agonize in pain, especially in the last few months when his urinary bladder cancer spread to his pelvic area, but now he is enjoying eternal life that is free of any sorrow or pain --- an eternity so indescribable and wonderful which the Apostle Paul described in 1 Corinthians 2:9 as a place that “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.”
It all began on the 23rd of February this year when we rushed him to the hospital. Soon after, it would change his lifestyle of buying his favorite cacao at Greehills (It’s the family’s favorite.); making coffee for my mother every morning (She never made coffee for herself in all of their married life together!); going to Casa Marcos, a restaurant in Quezon City to buy his favorite pan de sal (Talk about cravings!); and watching the daily 6 o’clock news. Since then, he was constantly in and out of hospitals, and became a familiar figure at CT scan and bone scan laboratories and blood banks. My vocabulary, which dwells primarily in Education since I am a teacher, soon accommodated words like metastasis, urostomy, colostomy, adeno squamous cancer cell, and so on. But through it all, our family felt God’s hand in those dark days of our lives. We rushed him once again to the hospital last June when this time, he could no longer urinate. Doctors called it perfect timing that he was put on a dialysis machine immediately, or else if that procedure was delayed for even just a few minutes, he would have died of kidney failure. I call it God’s saving grace. Sensing that God is nudging him to do what has long been overdue, my father called for all our relatives from both sides --- and humbly asked forgiveness for all that he has done against each one of them. To me, this was one of the greatest miracles that ever happened, because knowing my father, it cost him so much to humble himself, and yet he willingly did it because he knew that he would make God happy with his obedience.
More medications and an almost monthly confinement in hospitals soon followed his radical surgery last July. More complications attacked his body, as the cancer spread to his pelvic area that caused him to be in constant pain. Many times he thought it was his end already. In one of those moments that he confided to us, my father wrestled with the thought that his days are now numbered. We told him that the same is true for all of us, and that it doesn’t matter how long or short our lives are, for as long as we lived our lives for the Lord Jesus.
My father had wanted to serve God if He had allowed him to gain strength. It was his dream that He’ll share the love of God to others, especially his relatives. But God had other plans. After his operation, he could no longer walk or sit for a long time, as pain would set in. So he just lay in bed most of the time. Since he could not attend church services due to his condition, he would request us to turn on his radio and tune in to his favorite evangelists --- a habit that he gladly looked forward to every morning as soon as he awakes and every evening before sleeping. To add to the many bonuses that God has already given us, he was able to attend my brother Eric’s wedding last October 9, and though he sat for hours, he barely felt any pain. It was truly a miracle!
The last weeks of October saw him losing his appetite for food. He also became completely incapable of walking or sitting by himself. His body was riddled with so much infection to the point that most of the time he was not in his right senses anymore. However, God decided to do an amazing thing. His right senses would come back as soon as you talk with him about God’s Word. Our God is really amazing.
The morning before he died, a pastor came by his bedside at the ICU and said a prayer with him. When Pastor Ong asked my father how he is feeling, my father replied that he is now ready to go. Yes, cancer is a dreaded disease, but now I realize that it is also a blessing from God. Few people are given the privilege to get themselves ready for their deaths, and my father is one of them. He had nine months to prepare himself to finally meet God.
I have always included in my prayers a request for the Lord to extend my father’s life, especially in moments when I most feel that he was about to be taken away from us. But now I understand that He has better plans than those that men can ever conceive. When doctors informed me that in 24 hours my father might pass away, I immediately called school and informed them I’m not coming that day. I prayed to the Lord for two things: one, that my father died painlessly, and two, that we would all be there when he passes away. God graciously granted both requests. At around 5 pm of November 12, nurses and doctors were conducting tests on him, but he was no longer responding. He could no longer feel anything. And when that heart monitor finally registered a zero heartbeat, we were all there surrounding his bed. He died peacefully, as if he were only sleeping, for in God’s sovereign wisdom, my father was already in a semi-comatose state the afternoon before he died.
How does it feel to lose a loved one? Of course, we would miss him. There’ll be no one to accompany my mother to the grocery every Sunday. No one to buy pan de sal or cacao. No one to crack those sometimes corny jokes. No one to give me away on the day of my wedding (haha!!!). No one to cry my heart to and share stories with. No one to call Papa. At times I feel sad that he will no longer see Diego and Franco, his twin grandsons, grow up. When he was still alive, his face would light up as we tell him stories of his grandson’s antics. He would have loved to play with them if not for his condition. But I am comforted with one truth I learned from the Bible --- that in heaven, Jesus would wipe away all our tears and sorrows. As he lay dying in his bed that night, I held his hand and whispered to his ear, “Papa, I’ll see you later.”
We praise God for He has mercifully ended my father’s suffering last November 12, but we praise Him even more because his death ushered him to the eternal life he had by faith in his only Savior, Jesus Christ. My father wasn’t fond of attending parties when he was still alive, but there is one party I'm sure he won't and can't miss ---- that one big reunion in heaven because he just went ahead of us all.
15 November 2004
When my father died last Friday, one of the first persons I texted about what happened was my former discussion leader at Bible Study Fellowship. I relayed to her the news that my father’s 9-month battle with cancer finally ended that midnight. Her reply from the Bible in Psalm 116:15 was perhaps one of the most comforting words I’ve read, and I quote, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” Indeed, it is a great comfort to know that we have a God who loves us more than anybody else can ever do. He feels what we’re feeling. He understands what we’re going through. And so, when that heart monitor registered a zero heartbeat on the screen, I said a little prayer, thanking God that though we are bidding a father goodbye, He is welcoming a son back home. We left St. Luke’s Medical Center without someone who has been with all of us for 57 years, but right now I’m sure my father is in the eternal presence of God, perhaps even worshipping his Maker with his favorite song “Above All”. I watched him agonize in pain, especially in the last few months when his urinary bladder cancer spread to his pelvic area, but now he is enjoying eternal life that is free of any sorrow or pain --- an eternity so indescribable and wonderful which the Apostle Paul described in 1 Corinthians 2:9 as a place that “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.”
It all began on the 23rd of February this year when we rushed him to the hospital. Soon after, it would change his lifestyle of buying his favorite cacao at Greehills (It’s the family’s favorite.); making coffee for my mother every morning (She never made coffee for herself in all of their married life together!); going to Casa Marcos, a restaurant in Quezon City to buy his favorite pan de sal (Talk about cravings!); and watching the daily 6 o’clock news. Since then, he was constantly in and out of hospitals, and became a familiar figure at CT scan and bone scan laboratories and blood banks. My vocabulary, which dwells primarily in Education since I am a teacher, soon accommodated words like metastasis, urostomy, colostomy, adeno squamous cancer cell, and so on. But through it all, our family felt God’s hand in those dark days of our lives. We rushed him once again to the hospital last June when this time, he could no longer urinate. Doctors called it perfect timing that he was put on a dialysis machine immediately, or else if that procedure was delayed for even just a few minutes, he would have died of kidney failure. I call it God’s saving grace. Sensing that God is nudging him to do what has long been overdue, my father called for all our relatives from both sides --- and humbly asked forgiveness for all that he has done against each one of them. To me, this was one of the greatest miracles that ever happened, because knowing my father, it cost him so much to humble himself, and yet he willingly did it because he knew that he would make God happy with his obedience.
More medications and an almost monthly confinement in hospitals soon followed his radical surgery last July. More complications attacked his body, as the cancer spread to his pelvic area that caused him to be in constant pain. Many times he thought it was his end already. In one of those moments that he confided to us, my father wrestled with the thought that his days are now numbered. We told him that the same is true for all of us, and that it doesn’t matter how long or short our lives are, for as long as we lived our lives for the Lord Jesus.
My father had wanted to serve God if He had allowed him to gain strength. It was his dream that He’ll share the love of God to others, especially his relatives. But God had other plans. After his operation, he could no longer walk or sit for a long time, as pain would set in. So he just lay in bed most of the time. Since he could not attend church services due to his condition, he would request us to turn on his radio and tune in to his favorite evangelists --- a habit that he gladly looked forward to every morning as soon as he awakes and every evening before sleeping. To add to the many bonuses that God has already given us, he was able to attend my brother Eric’s wedding last October 9, and though he sat for hours, he barely felt any pain. It was truly a miracle!
The last weeks of October saw him losing his appetite for food. He also became completely incapable of walking or sitting by himself. His body was riddled with so much infection to the point that most of the time he was not in his right senses anymore. However, God decided to do an amazing thing. His right senses would come back as soon as you talk with him about God’s Word. Our God is really amazing.
The morning before he died, a pastor came by his bedside at the ICU and said a prayer with him. When Pastor Ong asked my father how he is feeling, my father replied that he is now ready to go. Yes, cancer is a dreaded disease, but now I realize that it is also a blessing from God. Few people are given the privilege to get themselves ready for their deaths, and my father is one of them. He had nine months to prepare himself to finally meet God.
I have always included in my prayers a request for the Lord to extend my father’s life, especially in moments when I most feel that he was about to be taken away from us. But now I understand that He has better plans than those that men can ever conceive. When doctors informed me that in 24 hours my father might pass away, I immediately called school and informed them I’m not coming that day. I prayed to the Lord for two things: one, that my father died painlessly, and two, that we would all be there when he passes away. God graciously granted both requests. At around 5 pm of November 12, nurses and doctors were conducting tests on him, but he was no longer responding. He could no longer feel anything. And when that heart monitor finally registered a zero heartbeat, we were all there surrounding his bed. He died peacefully, as if he were only sleeping, for in God’s sovereign wisdom, my father was already in a semi-comatose state the afternoon before he died.
How does it feel to lose a loved one? Of course, we would miss him. There’ll be no one to accompany my mother to the grocery every Sunday. No one to buy pan de sal or cacao. No one to crack those sometimes corny jokes. No one to give me away on the day of my wedding (haha!!!). No one to cry my heart to and share stories with. No one to call Papa. At times I feel sad that he will no longer see Diego and Franco, his twin grandsons, grow up. When he was still alive, his face would light up as we tell him stories of his grandson’s antics. He would have loved to play with them if not for his condition. But I am comforted with one truth I learned from the Bible --- that in heaven, Jesus would wipe away all our tears and sorrows. As he lay dying in his bed that night, I held his hand and whispered to his ear, “Papa, I’ll see you later.”
We praise God for He has mercifully ended my father’s suffering last November 12, but we praise Him even more because his death ushered him to the eternal life he had by faith in his only Savior, Jesus Christ. My father wasn’t fond of attending parties when he was still alive, but there is one party I'm sure he won't and can't miss ---- that one big reunion in heaven because he just went ahead of us all.
My heart is with you Isabelle...
ReplyDeleteI understand, Belle. All we have left of them now is memories. We will be remembering papa on November 19th, his 4th year with his creator. It's utterly painful, but the least we could do at the moment is make our daddies proud.
ReplyDeleteYour family's in my prayers.