If you had asked me what I would have wanted to do with my life five years ago, I would have rattled off a thousand and one things I have mapped out for myself ever since I was little, such as:
Write a book. Travel. Sketch, draw and color to my heart's delight. Spend some days baby-sitting my nephews (and niece). Enroll in a cooking class. Volunteer the whole day at church. Build and run my own school. Start up another business. Work for an entirely different field. Join a short-term mission trip. Finish a Doctorate. And so on and so forth.
The list isn't really long, and I know that there are both mundane and profound, and individualistic and familial reasons behind each entry in my list. But all that don't matter that much to me now.
I read from Jeremiah 10:23 that I know, O LORD, that a man's way is not in himself, nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps. No one really knows the future, except God. While we really ought to prepare for our future, no one can truly predict it. The Living Bible translation of the same verse says: It is not within the power of man to map out his life and plan his course.
Just one verse --- but it's something that really puts things in perspective.
These days, it takes just a simple activity to remind me of what this verse says. All I need to do is pick up a novel and try to finish it in one sitting --- and feel the paralyzing pain in my eyes' nerves that tell me I'm not supposed to strain them. When you've got eale's disease, finishing a paperback in months is already an achievement, and it isn't an exaggeration to say that I now can not jump or run, or else I run the risk of losing my precious eyesight. Suddenly, there seems to be a long list of things I can no longer do because of this condition, and many of those things were listed in my life plans.
Is this adios to all the dreams I had drawn out before? Maybe. I don't know. So now, I settle with a simple YES or a NO. If it's the Lord's will, then I'll go for it. If the Lord tells me no, then I won't push the issue.
You have eale's? You made a commnet about not jumping or running. How does Eale's fit into that equation?
ReplyDeleteWhen you've got eale's disease, my doc said I can no longer run, jump, or do anything that would put pressure to my eyes; otherwise I'll go blind.
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