Reflecting on my eale's disease

If you had asked me what I would have wanted to do with my life five years ago, I would have rattled off a thousand and one things I have mapped out for myself ever since I was little, such as:

Write a book. Travel. Sketch, draw and color to my heart's delight. Spend some days baby-sitting my nephews (and niece). Enroll in a cooking class. Volunteer the whole day at church. Build and run my own school. Start up another business. Work for an entirely different field. Join a short-term mission trip. Finish a Doctorate. And so on and so forth.

The list isn't really long, and I know that there are both mundane and profound, and individualistic and familial reasons behind each entry in my list. But all that don't matter that much to me now.

I read from Jeremiah 10:23 that I know, O LORD, that a man's way is not in himself, nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps. No one really knows the future, except God. While we really ought to prepare for our future, no one can truly predict it. The Living Bible translation of the same verse says: It is not within the power of man to map out his life and plan his course.

Just one verse --- but it's something that really puts things in perspective.

These days, it takes just a simple activity to remind me of what this verse says. All I need to do is pick up a novel and try to finish it in one sitting --- and feel the paralyzing pain in my eyes' nerves that tell me I'm not supposed to strain them. When you've got eale's disease, finishing a paperback in months is already an achievement, and it isn't an exaggeration to say that I now can not jump or run, or else I run the risk of losing my precious eyesight. Suddenly, there seems to be a long list of things I can no longer do because of this condition, and many of those things were listed in my life plans.

Is this adios to all the dreams I had drawn out before? Maybe. I don't know.  So now, I settle with a simple YES or a NO. If it's the Lord's will, then I'll go for it. If the Lord tells me no, then I won't push the issue.

sporadic spurts and the whole US economic hullaballoo

Yes, she sporadically updates her blog. But she makes a fine journalist.

Thanks to Katie for her blog award for me. Please do visit her website at http://katecancio.blogspot.com/.

How's that for a plug? :0p

*****

Okay, I admit I can be an apolitical mademoiselle at times. Sure, I love to hear and sometimes participate in discussions on Philippine politics and tradpols, especially when it's my brother-in-law giving me a rundown of the latest on the who's who here in RP. But I don't know. I'm just not that interested in analyzing the pros and cons of electing so and so, and forging alliances with such and such party. So, being the apolitical that I am, I rarely catch the newscast at night (as I'd rather listen to Ed Lapiz around the same time the news is being broadcast).

And so I was probably one of the last to react about this whole US economic thing. Everyone's talking about it in the office, except clueless me who'd rather plug in my earphones and bury my head in the pile of paperwork on my desk. Lehman Brothers, AIG, Merrill Lynch ---- I seriously thought they're a new bunch of singers out to take over the Billboard 100. My, I don't even know a thing about Wall Street, Fannie Mae, or Freddie Mac. I supposedly did well in my high school and college Econ classes, but these days I can't even remember how mortgage works, much more give the repercussions of going through a federal bailout. All these Econ mumbo jumbo I hear from officemates and read about in the papers suddenly sound like Russian to my ears. I get a headache out of trying to get my mom, sister or eldest brother explain to me the implications of the recent economic hullaballoo in the USA (and they're too impatient to explain the details to me too! hehehe).

Sigh.

Then it dawned on me yesterday.

Given all that's happening now, is this good bye to my dreams of going to America?  :-(

sweat glands and gym trips

I'm totally missing it. Going to the gym, I mean.

Before doctors found out I have eale's disease, I was a constant presence in the gym. I knew the names of all the trainers, and even their schedules. I knew which workout routines work best with my target program, and which ones do not. I knew what type of music plays at a certain hour, and what specific time the gym is overcrowded. I knew all the machines there waiting to be used by gym rats and afficionados. I knew every name of every muscle, and which types of workout to bring out the best from them. I knew every stretching technique there is. I knew every single relevant bodybuilder you have in the books. I knew every bodybuilding and fitness event there is on the planet. And the list goes on and on...

My, I could even be a fitness instructor! Having gym buffs for brothers and a brother-in-law and a sister who are also fitness-conscious also helped a lot to instill in me my instant liking to the gym, the smell of steel, and the feel of iron bars in my hand.

Sadly, I can no longer do heavy workouts. No more running, no more jumping, no more high impact exercises for me. :0( In short, I have to say adios to the old gym life I used to lead. Otherwise, I run the risk of losing my eyesight and going blind.

But at least I have one consolation: no more weirdo looking at me lustfully while I'm doing my squats.